Random Crap » Uncategorized

Weekly Meal Of Jokes And Observations To Steal

PaulKneecracker — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 18:41:00 +0000

I'm not vain, I'm way to handsome to be vain. #
I'm so out of shape, I get tired from taking my breath. #

Weekly Meal Of Jokes And Observations To Steal

PaulKneecracker — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:41:00 +0000

I want to force myself to write daily jokes so I figured a twitter account would in some stupid way force me to do so – until I abandon it. #
Also all jokes here are free to be stolen by whoever feels like performing them. #
My skin is so white, when someone takes a photo of me, they're the one blinded by the flash. #
My boss is such a douche, he refuses to talk to you unless he's also talking to someone else on his bluetooth headset at the same time. #
My father is so tall that he needs to crouch to put his own hat on. #
I haven't worked in Hollywood for so long, I can't even remember the taste of cock. #
I haven't worked in Hollywood for so long, I can't even remember what cock tastes like. #

OMGbestjobintheworldLOL!!!!

PaulKneecracker — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 04:58:21 +0000

OMG I applied to this job, LOL!

Vote for me damnit!

Hope you like my video.

my hot girlfriend applies too, she’s so pretty!

Vote for her damnit!

LIVE FUND RAISING FOR SICK KIDS

PaulKneecracker — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 05:51:03 +0000

The Imponderables will be staying up as long as the donations keep coming in. These guys are going to get paranoid any time now. Lets keep them awake!

Super-late-update: this is over, they made a shitload of money… hurray for sick kids!!

Sarah Palin approves of Idaho’s Cheerleaders

PaulKneecracker — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 06:35:04 +0000

So I was going through some soft core pornish pictures today – or as some people call it “retro bikini advertisements” when a though occurred! Why not put Sarah Palin’s head on this picture! I quickly dismissed ridiculous reasons such as “am actually supposed to work”, “Sarah Palin deserves more respect” or “girlfriend hates me because I spend all my time putting Sarah Palin’s head on bikini models” and this is what I cam up with.

Granted I’m not the Michelangelo of photoshop but I fancy myself an awesome artist anyway – at least when it comes to putting heads on bikini models.

In other Palin news – according to world renowned news organization “Fox”, Sarah Palin says she approves Idaho’s cheerleaders adoption of the two piece suit. I think this will be a deciding factor for me and I can’t thank Fox News enough for distracting me away from the facts and letting me associate Palin’s name with sexy cheerleaders. Sorry Barrack, but you can hit on issues and yap about change and hope for a better future all you want, it is my duty as a white american of lower average smarts to vote with my benis.

While on the subject of benises and women with questionable morals, I was overjoyed today to find this headline on Digg “Spears Breastfeeding!” – holy crap, quickly let’s click and see if I can get a glimpse of Britney breastfeeding. Perhaps I can get some weird sexual arousal/remorse out of it. Ohhh… What was my disapointment to see that it was actually an article about her younger-hotter-not-yet-as-depraved sister Jamie-Lynn… And to learn that the pictures were actually “missing” as opposed to “plastered all over the internet”

OMG Become My Best Friend L0L

PaulKneecracker — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 22:02:10 +0000

Attention Internet Whores: Check us out on all those other stupid sites!

Twitter

Yeah I know the list is pretty short – I’ll add some more later.

Stick figures cartoons IN HIGH DEFINITION

PaulKneecracker — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 06:09:49 +0000

So I was about to watch this YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYnsfV5N2n8

The thumbnail made me suspect the video could be rather hilarious. Always careful as I am, I put away all sharp objects in my room so I could safely roll on the floor while laughing if need be. As I clicked play, I quickly started to laugh out loud and even laughed my ass off for a while but then I noticed something even funnier than the video itself! There was a pretentious little link on the bottom right suggesting to watch the video in “high quality”.

Stick figures in high quality heh? That’s rather humorous! Perhaps even ironic, although I was unsure if irony was the most appropriate rhetorical device in this case – Wikipedia couldn’t help find a figure of speech meaning “a link on a popular video website rendered seemingly irrelevant due to the obviously low quality of the associated video content” nevertheless it did teach me to use “rhetorical device” in a sentence. In any case, I thought this would be a perfect post for my uber trendy new blog. I was imagining myself juxtaposing two screenshots and asking, thong in cheek, “do you see the difference” and then cleverly pointing out, the thong still in my cheek, that one of the two identical screenshots was IN HIGH DEFINITION! that’s right! KABOOM!!!! Take that stupid Leonardo DiCaprio! I was already dreaming of the first page of digg and reddit, the new york times, a full pager on Forbes top10 hottest buns on the internet, maybe even a digg repost a few weeks later or perhaps… the unthinkable: a digg double post!

My plan was perfect and step one involved taking some screenshots. That’s when the sky fell on my head! THE HIGH DEF STICK FIGURES ACTUALLY LOOK BETTER!!!! Damn you Mr YouTube! I guess that’s why he’s a billion dollar video sharing website and I’m some guy writing a a blog while watching the Olympics. Lucky for me beach volley was on and I mustered enough will power to write this stupid post twice, yeah twice, don’t ask why but I did write this twice. I’m hoping it can serve as testimonial for my shattered dreams and lifelong unbroken chain of failures.

THE REGULAR YOUTUBE QUALITY:

THE RIDICULOUSLY BETTER LOOKING HIGH QUALITY: