In another weak attempt to curb my unhealthy procrastinating tendencies, I’ve opened a twitter account where I will force myself to post at least one new joke per day. The account is @JokesToSteal so do subscribe NOW! I invite everyone to steal those jokes and perform them on stage – and then hire me later on when you’re making some money. It’s like a shareware version of a personal comedy writer.

Every Thursday morning an automated machine will post here all my tweeted jokes. So YES, if you’re a mail subscribed, you’ll be spammed by this blog every week from now on, instead of every two or three months.

I’ll try to keep it SFW, so jokes like “Lindsay Lohan’s tears in court were so sincere, for a moment, I didn’t feel like beating her stupid face with a dried horse dick.” didn’t make the cut while “My skin is so white, when someone takes a picture of me they’re the ones blinded by the flash” did make it. If you want dried penis horse jokes or watermelon sodomy jokes, you’ll have to contact me personally.

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In the end we haven’t picked a car yet, but at least my post made reddit.com front page! With a little research you can find my reddit account, feel free to pm me to say hi!

While on the subject of Angry German Kids, I read this study that 98% of Angry German Kids play violent games. Actually I made that up but it’s still a pretty shocking statistic!

I received tons of mail asking for me to post a picture, mainly from very very hot women… actually I didn’t but I find it easier to justify putting my picture on my blog by placing the blame on you, my millions of nonexistent devoted fans who wonder what I look like.

So to answer the question: To get a good picture, in your head, mix Hilary Swank and Alicia Keys, then turn that mix into an 1337 h4x0r and add a large cigar.

While we’re on the subject of human-goat creatures, I’m also a fan of Ann Coulter:

I found this picture of Ann at her best but I replaced her legs with prettier ones. Unfortunately, couldn’t do much about the face. Although I know she’s a horrible person, what kills me is that she’s probably having a lot of fun doing the terrible things she does. I wish one day I could be like her, get rid of all remains of my conscience so I can be mean to people and sleep well at night. On an unrelated subject, I’ve always wondered what a cancerous tumor would taste like. Not a human one because I wouldn’t eat human meat but a pig’s tumor or a beef one. I suspect it would be delicious only if you don’t know it’s a cancerous tumor. If I was to feed a cancerous tumor to someone, I would tell that person that the meat has been marinated – it would seem like the appropriate thing to do. On another unrelated subjects, I strongly believe TV remotes have too many buttons these days. I wish I could grow a goat that yells like a man… maybe one day.

This morning I positioned the plush toys in our room in sexual positions to see what my girlfriend would say. She didn’t say anything. It was so disappointing I had a seizure and lost part of my vision from the left eye. Actually I didn’t. Maybe next time – I’ve always wanted to have one of those creepy cloudy eyes.

I wish one day in my life, I’ll meet someone who’s first name is “Butros Butros”

Some time ago I found out somewhere in the world, there is actually a statue of Dick Chenney in drag. I like him better that way.

The real reason is that I was playing with my Digg.com account and needed links to add in it. I just thought I’d go through the whole trouble of creating a blog, and updating it regularly so I could have a link that no one will click.

All that being said I think I’ll just use this as a way to keep track of whatever I’m doing and to complain.