5 Ways to save a hot dog up a girl’s… (word that also means cat)

At first I found it amusing, but then I realized ranking so high on this query might in fact be endangering innocent women. Women who are frantically trying to google a way out of their unfortunate situation only to end up on a totally irrelevant post about a woman and her kazoo.

Having at heart the safety of women, I decided to do an extensive research on the subject (mainly by googling “saving a hot dog up a girl’s pussy”) and present my groundbreaking work here.

Before starting, here are a few things people recommend you shouldn’t do:

Do not use a steak knife: In general people seem strongly opposed that idea, most likely because the ratio of atrocious pain to hot dog removal is not very appealing to the woman involved.

Do not push it further inside: In most cases, pushing it further in makes it harder to retrieve.

Do not ask your dad/uncle/grandfather to remove it: You’re probably better off just keeping the hot dog there than dealing with the emotional scarring of having a male sibling helping you out.

Now that you know what not to do, here are the proper way taking care of it:

1. Squat and Push Squat with your legs apart and push with your insides. 2. Use Chopsticks Chopsticks are longer and slimmer than regular fingers so you can reach deeper and have less of a chance to push it further. 3. Pour down lube Just add tons of lube so as to make it easier to go out, then you can try the squat and push method. 4. Jump up and down with legs apart Keep your legs as apart as possible while you jump and land on your heels to give that hot dog the maximum amount of force. 5. Go to hospital If everything else fails, go to the hospital, have it removed, then change your name and move away as far as possible.

Best way to get a raise

By the way, I’ve added the digg button cause I’m so desperate to retire out of this crap site but I’m switching to reddit cause I hate that stupid toolbar. If you’re a toolbar fanboy, feel free to leave hateful comments and subscribe to my blog so you can check out later if I acknowledged your comment.

[edit: WTF happened to the stupid toolbar? I just went on digg and it's not there anymore, that just ruined my whole rant about the toolbar! Damn you digg, always so attentive to my needs.]

OMG Bleach = Loituma LOL

So today I figured out the Loituma girl is actually a character from super mega hit TV show “Bleach”. For a second I though I just discovered something huge, but a quick google search quickly crushed my elaborate hopes for fame and fortune.

So even though this is not news, it is news to me so screw you all, I can write whatever crap I want on my stupid crap blog.

On a side note, while watching the Bleach episode I noticed that the original Loituma video doesn’t do justice to the absolutely massive jugs that girl owns, so I’m including here an alternate version that does them justice.
For those of you who don’t know here’s the original video:

Here’s another version, where you can appreciate the massive knockers:

And here’s the actual Bleach video.

OMGbestjobintheworldLOL!!!!

OMG I applied to this job, LOL!

Vote for me damnit!

Hope you like my video.

my hot girlfriend applies too, she’s so pretty!

Vote for her damnit!

LIVE FUND RAISING FOR SICK KIDS

The rise and fall of easter philosophy within renaissance society

I’m not going to elaborate on why, but I had to make the three photoshops below so I could save one of my testicles.

I forgot to add captions to this one but it should say something on the lines of “Hey look at me I’m an iguana dressed in a cop suite, la di da!” or something like that.

One time I woke up only to realize that my head had exploded during the night. Fortunately it was a wednesday and everything turned out fine.

Slim pants for men

WTF is up with the new trend???

elephant head - slim pants

Sibliminal-Fox: Firefox pushing left wing liberal agenda

Click on it unless you have really really good eyes.

It’s the end of the world!

I didn’t post anything in the last few days as I was busy trying to fix this ongoing financial apocalypse - I suspended my blog for the good of the world. But now I’m pretty confident it’s fixed so I’m back blogging.

Sarah Palin approves of Idaho’s Cheerleaders

So I was going through some soft core pornish pictures today - or as some people call it “retro bikini advertisements” when a though occurred! Why not put Sarah Palin’s head on this picture! I quickly dismissed ridiculous reasons such as “am actually supposed to work”, “Sarah Palin deserves more respect” or “girlfriend hates me because I spend all my time putting Sarah Palin’s head on bikini models” and this is what I cam up with.

Granted I’m not the Michelangelo of photoshop but I fancy myself an awesome artist anyway - at least when it comes to putting heads on bikini models.

In other Palin news - according to world renowned news organization “Fox”, Sarah Palin says she approves Idaho’s cheerleaders adoption of the two piece suit. I think this will be a deciding factor for me and I can’t thank Fox News enough for distracting me away from the facts and letting me associate Palin’s name with sexy cheerleaders. Sorry Barrack, but you can hit on issues and yap about change and hope for a better future all you want, it is my duty as a white american of lower average smarts to vote with my benis.

While on the subject of benises and women with questionable morals, I was overjoyed today to find this headline on Digg “Spears Breastfeeding!” - holy crap, quickly let’s click and see if I can get a glimpse of Britney breastfeeding. Perhaps I can get some weird sexual arousal/remorse out of it. Ohhh…  What was my disapointment to see that it was actually an article about her younger-hotter-not-yet-as-depraved sister Jamie-Lynn… And to learn that the pictures were actually “missing” as opposed to “plastered all over the internet”